A quick lesson on "not being that guy"

From a recent Navy Situation Report (SITREP):

WHILE ON LIBERTY, SVM WAS SEPARATED FROM LIBERTY PARTY. SVC WAS FOUND DRUNK ON SIDEWALK BY COLOMBIAN POLICE. AS POLICE WERE ATTEMPTING TO ASSIST SVM, SVM TRIED TO RESIST HELP AND BECAME VIOLENT. POLICE ARRESTED SVM AND TOOK HIM TO THE HOSPITAL FOR OBSERVATION. DURING THIS TIME, SVM PLACED A CALL TO A FRIEND IN MIAMI, FL. STATING HE WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE BY COLOMBIANS. HIS FRIEND THEN PLACED A CALL TO 911 AND REPORTED THE ALLEGED HOSTAGE SITUATION. THE POLICE MADE A CALL TO SOUTHCOM TO QUERY THIS SITUATION. 4TH FLEET NOTIFIED IWO JIMA AND IWO JIMA VERIFIED THERE WAS NO HOSTAGE SITUATION. SVM IS CURRENTLY BACK ONBOARD IWO.

Way to go, shipmate. I'm still trying to figure out how to escape the Dreaded Burrito Gang.

NNNN